I must: XMUST!

Well, apparently it's Christmas in a few hours. But I'm old so I wouldn't really appreciate that. I kept thinking that Christmas was getting less and less magical and more and more commercial, but in reality I guess that's just a reflection of my life that I'm blaming on the poor innocent bystander of Xmas. Or Xmust as I've been calling it for the last few years with no reason whatsoever.

My good friend Simon came visiting for a long weekend and, whilst I repeatedly warned him about the cavelike conditions in my abode he'd presumed I was over-exaggerating, as I usually do, and was somewhat surprised when he had 'the worst nights sleep of my life'. The funniest thing (for me) was walking into a spare bedroom to see him sleeping, fully clothed, complete with thermals, big jacket and a wacky hat I'd bought from a street market a few days ago.

The funny thing being that the rim of the hat was obviously made for small dogs or babies or something as it was so tight it had dug into his skull over night and left a half centimetre indentation all around his forehead like a lobotomy conducted with a butter knife. I have a photo but it would be too cruel to post it.

I then got ill for a few days. Luckily I'd finally got my internet installed, accompanied by a load of crappy free cable tv channels. So at least I could watch Jason and the Argonauts in Spanish while I lay around coughing up bits of slime.

Got a Ryan Air flight back to Stanstead for 90 euros which all went pretty smoothly, despite being staffed by children who kept swapping clothes throughout the journey, which they seemed to find immensely funny. Arrived and was told that I needed a credit card to hire the car I'd booked, which I don't have as I hate the concept of spending money that isn't mine. So had a mini panic and then got a coach with all the Polish people.

I don’t really have much to say because I’m still ill and tired, but Happy Christmas and etc. I’ll try to make more effort from now on. Been a bit lazy recently.

R

A word to the wise

Just a quick one.

Thought I'd share this wonderful bit of PR work on behalf of humanity. Just in case you need reminding about it... someone thought it would be a good idea to, you know, put it out there... in case you'd forgotten about it.

Just a heads up.

R

People like big food

I write this in a state of slight fear. For behind me there is a carcass.

Yesterday I went to the Christmas party. A rather strange evening which terminated with a mass panic as the crazed mob descended on the large arrangement of boxes at the back of the room. It was a really funny scene actually as all these people walk out of the building carrying boxes that look like those voilin cases that gangsters apparently carry around. Ours didn't contain guns, but large animal limbs. Why on earth gangsters hide guns in vionlin cases I really don't know, it's not exactly very consistant with their image. But I'm kind of jumping ahead of myself really, but I only mention it now because the scary thing is sat behind me right now and I'm not exactly sure what I'm to do with the heavy bastard. Am I supposed to carry it home on my bike? It weighs an absolute tonne.

Actually, I was going to write a massive report about it all, but I can't really be arsed to be honest. I've had to walk all the way out to work to pick up my bike (and use the internet as my laptop is broken still) and I'm now starving. I was going to say 'I don't have any food at home as well'... but I guess I can always gnaw on my pig leg.

But briefly... the party was 'interesting'. I think a lot of people weren't really 'into it' for various reasons. It was really cold and was in this strange derelict building with a distinct 'industrial' vibe with bare walls and concrete slabs everywhere... not exactly the personification of Christmas. But there was a tree that I ignored all evening. The paella was, as I'd be informed beforehand, large. Very large. We were debating the logistics of transporting the slab of metal they cooked it on. 'Strap it to the roof of a car' was the agreed upon method. The musical duo were moderately hilarious being two guys in white suits like I used to wear as a joke singing songs from before I was born. There was a lot of spinning going on on that stage, most of which was unnecesary. Work gave out 10 trips on a cruise to lucky employees, I was just thankful not to get one given how (allegedly) everyone from the parent company hates the game development people, probably because they do 'real' work like lifting things and stuff like that. Went to a house party after the xmust party and had a wicked time. I think. You can never be sure with these things as I'm always so wasted at house parties I never know what's going on. But I met some nice people and laughed a lot, as usual.

Had a weird revelation on the bloody pleasant walk in today. I was walking through a neighbourhood and read a sign... didn't think anything of it and moved on. After a few scuffled steps I realised that I'd just read spanish and hadn't even thought about it. How odd. So I tried it again, saw another sign, 'only for use by the fire department', brilliant. And another. And another. I stopped in the street and shouted "HOLY SHIT, I CAN SPEAK SPANISH!". It was a bit like the infamous 'I know kung-fu' line from The Matrix but with Keanu Reaves replaced with me and with a spaceship replaced with an uninteresting spanish backstreet. To be honest though, and that's not to say that I'm rarely honest, I think it was a massive overexaggeration to say 'I can speak spanish'. But I can certainly read a lot now and as I found last night, I can kind of get my point across now, even if it be on a much unusal manner in doing it. If you get me.

I keep seeing this ice cream truck drive past with this horrible advert of it of a woman idolising an ice cream. I don't know who holds a corenetto like that, but I think this woman likes her ice cream a bit too much. To make matters worse she bares a striking resemblance to Micheal Jackson. Be warned kids.

Can't remember what else has been going 'down' so I'll leave it there and lug my machine gun back to my abode.

Adios

R


Here's some photo randomness:

Cat head

I'm still recovering from jet lag at the moment so apologies for being a bit dopey.

If I write that does it sound like I'm sort of eighties 'go getter'? Because the reality is that I was working until 6am on Sunday like a massive loser and am still recovering. It's not exactly rock and roll, and I certainly didn't 'get' any 'go'... but it's nice to be in the excite-zone again. I'm not sure exactly how much I'm allowed to divulge on a public page, but I had a lot of sound design work to do for a project that's after a rather substantial amount of money... so it had to sound pretty good. And the big Lord Of The Rings rip-off style monster sounded pretty fucking impressive given the amount of time I had to work on it.

But I wont bore you with those details. I WILL bore you with the fact that it's our Christmas party on Saturday, where they're apparently cooking a massive paella (it's like pi-ella but pronounced correctly) and giving us all lots of presents. Apparently, amoungst other things, I get this masssive dry-cured pig's leg that's literally the size of a pig. Well... a pig's fat leg. But you get the idea. According to the legends it takes about forty minutes to shave off a poxy piece of meat, it comes covered in a green/blue mould and costs an absolute fortune. I think I would just prefer the money... but maybe I should wait until I see the multicoloured slab of carcass in all it's mouldy glory.

In response to the weekend, as a goodwill gesture, we get a couple of days off this week, and in addition to the random national holiday on Thursday that means I get to spend the rest of the week shopping in Palma for all the crap I should have bought months ago. Lovely.

Someone tried to headhunt me the other day. In the 'TAKE OUR JOB' way, not the 'attempted murder' way. I told them to bugger off, but it's nice to feel wanted. I've been waiting years for that to happen.

The weather's been beautiful the last few days. I went out at about nine this evening and it was still warm, no need for a jacket or anything. Although, for some reason I think it's actually COLDER in my stupid flat than it is outside. This place is seriously turning into a cave. Adding 'heater' to my nonexistant shopping list...

So in the unlikely event that anyone I know is actually READING this thing, I am coming back to the UK for nearly two weeks over Xmust and New Years Weave. I imagine I'll be heading to Bournemouth, London and Leamington for a 'shed-ule' consisting of family, friends and partying... with any luck.

I saw a cat with so much fur on it the other day that I actually stood there and laughed at it for a good while. Maybe I'm just secretly jelous though. If I can catch the furry little bastard (and I imagine it'll be pretty easy as it must weigh a tonne) I'd like to shave it's hair off and superglue it to my head. The hair, not the cat. I miss my hair. Especially out here where the only people that have hair like me are the English chavs that pass through Palma on their way to Magaluf for a spot of puking and fighting. Thankfully the city is totally devoid of tourists now. I'm looking forward to the summer when I can start scowling at the holiday makers like the rest of the locals, it makes you feel important without actually doing anything.

I really should post some photos as I haven't in a while... but the only photo I've taken in a while is of my friend wearing her moderately hilarious airport uniform... and you don't want to see that.

So I'm going to bed.

R